A Small Observation

Back in March of this year, actress Vivica A. Fox was arrested for DUI:

It happened last night on the 101 Freeway in the San Fernando Valley at 10:57 PM. We're told Fox passed a marked black and white while going approximately 80 mph. Sources say the officers went after the 2007 Cadillac Escalade she was driving.

The officers administered a field sobriety test -- which Fox was unable to perform.

Oh, those wacky celebs. Always causing a ruckus. Well, surely there's nothing more to see here.

Oops...maybe there is. Fast forward to late June, 2007:

The officer says in the report, after she was stopped, "Fox began to walk away, yelling at my partner, 'Brother help a sister -- are you going to let this racist white cop do this ... well are you?'"

In the section of the report in which the officers are asked to describe the demeanor of the person they're arresting, the officer wrote "demeaning." We're told things got volatile enough that a patrol sergeant was called to the scene.

Now here's the interesting thing - Ms. Fox was pulled over back in March, and yet it's practically July before we're hearing about her little attitude problem.

Contrast that with another celebrity DUI arrest:

Mel Gibson was charged with misdemeanor drunken driving Wednesday, five days after he was stopped on Malibu’s Pacific Coast Highway for speeding and made anti-Semitic comments that have stained his public image.

Now I'm not defending Mel Gibson, but I do wonder why his admittedly uncouth statements were reported everywhere almost immediately while Ms. Fox's rants were kept quiet for months. What's more, every sylable which Mel uttered that night was dutifully reported, while most of what Vivica had to say was simply described as "demeaning".

I suppose it's possible that Mel Gibson, as a bigger star with a much higher profile, could be considered more newsworthy than Vivica A. Fox. That would be why his outbursts have a much more immediate impact that hers.

Of course, it could also be that, as a white male conservative Catholic, Mel Gibson's behavior is a much more delicious contradiction of his wholesome public image and is therefore more deserving of attention.

Is it possible that Ms. Fox's behavior, while disappointing and sad, is perhaps not as surprising? I mean, of course pulling someone over for driving 80 miles per hour and weaving all over the road while drunk is a "rascist" act. After all, what's a little drunk driving and potential for loss of life compared to true equality and social justice?

A picture's worth a thousand words

Here's Mel Gibson's mugshot, which boozily stared out at America from countless websites, newspapers and T.V. screens:

Vivica's mugshot hasn't made it into the public eye yet (not yet?), so I guess we'll have to make due with something else:

Yes, I think that will do.

Angelina Jolie, Hypocrite

While at the premiere of her new movie "A Mighty Heart", Saint Angelina saw fit to censor interviews and even banned Fox News from the red carpet.

Reporters were asked to sign contracts which laid out specific rules for all interviews. Several of the reporters refused to sign the contract, causing Jolie to cancel all interviews.

Jolie told Paramount Pictures publicists to ban FOX News Channel and all FOX News affiliates from covering the "Mighty Heart" premiere on the red carpet. It was only with the intervention of mortified Paramount staff that an FNC camera crew was allowed to be present.

Apparently, no one told Jolie of the highly positive review FOX News had given "A Mighty Heart" from Cannes.

Ironically, the premiere benefitted Reporters Without Borders, an international organization which champions freedom of the press.

Paris Goes Back To Jail

Judge Michael Sauer ordered Hilton back to jail to serve the rest of her 45 day sentence.

Screaming and crying, Paris Hilton was escorted from a courtroom and sent back to jail Friday after a judge ruled that she must serve out her entire 45-day sentence behind bars rather than in her Hollywood Hills home.

Although there had been some rumblings about holding Sheriff Lee Baca in contempt of court for releasing Hilton early, Judge Sauer took no action on that issue.

Hilton's attorneys also asked the judge to hear testimony about her medical condition; Sauer also took no action on this request.

The judge interrupted several times to say that he had received a call last Wednesday from an undersheriff informing him that Hilton had a medical condition and that he would submit papers to the judge to consider. He said the papers never arrived.

Every few minutes, the judge would interrupt proceedings, state the time on the clock, and note that the papers still had not arrived.

Hilton's family are currently preparing an appeal to the decision, which should be filed either today or Monday.

For now, though, Paris Hilton is now back in her cell.

Not So Fast, Paris Hilton!

I know I said I was through posting about Paris, but this is huge! If she didn't have a breakdown before, our girl probably will now!

Paris may be headed back to jail after only being out less than a day!

Hours after Paris Hilton was sent home under house arrest Thursday, the judge who put her in jail ordered her into court to determine whether she should be put back behind bars. Hilton must report to court at 9 a.m. Friday, Superior Court spokesman Allan Parachini told The Associated Press.

So, I guess outrage wasn't limited only to the unwashed masses who could never score similar leniency in a million years. I am, however, honestly surprised that someone is doing something about it.

Kathy Hilton must be apoplectic over this latest abuse of taxpayer funds.

If that wasn't enough, the city attorney is also talking about having Sheriff Lee Baca, the one who authorized Paris' release, held in contempt.

UPDATE: TMZ.com is reporting that L.A. City Attorney Rocky Delgadillo has filed a motion requesting that Paris Hilton be returned to jail to serve her full sentence. In addition,

City Attorney Rocky Delgadillo is also asking Judge Michael Sauer to hold a hearing, demanding that the Sheriff's Department show why it should not be held in contempt of court for violating Judge Sauer's May 4, 2007 order, which expressly stated "no electronic monitoring."

One question - by "full sentence" is Delgadillo refering to the 23 days or to the full 45 days she was originally sentenced to? Since he's appealing to the judge that sentenced Paris and has jurisdiction over her case, I'm guessing it's the 23 days.

Absolutely The Last Paris Hilton Post!

Barring any more monumental outrages on her part.

I just saw this posted on Perez Hilton's website. Face it America, Paris is laughing at you...

"I want to thank the Los Angeles County Sheriff's Department and staff of the Century Regional Detention Center for treating me fairly and professionally. I am going to serve the remaining 40 days of my sentence. I have learned a great deal from this ordeal and hope that others have learned from my mistakes."

To quote one commenter on Perez's site: "What a pile of shit!"

According to Michael Ventre at MSNBC, Paris' early release sets a horrible precedent. Gee, ya think?


Ok, so TMZ.com is ground central for all things Paris. Among other things:

L.A. City Attorney "extremely troubled" by Paris' early release:

My office was not advised of this action. We learned of it this morning through news reports, just like everyone else. Had we been provided with the proper notification, we would have opposed the decision on legal grounds.

Hey, better late than never, right?


L.A. County Supervisor Don Knabe uses the words "Paris" and "load of crap" in the same sentence.


And finally, Paris' "medical condition" is revealed to be mental, not physical:

Law enforcement sources tell TMZ Paris Hilton's medical condition was purely psychological and that she was in peril of having a nervous breakdown, and that's why she was released early this morning.

So the bad news is, it was all in Paris' head. The good news, I guess, is at least she's got something floating around in there.

Famous Last Words

"...I feel like the media portrays me in a way that I'm not and that's why I wanted to go to county, to show that I can do it and I'm going to be treated like everyone else. I'm going to do the time, I'm going to do it the right way."

Paris Hilton
Formerly Inmate #9818783

Yeah, that worked out real well!

Paris Hilton Jail Watch - Day 3

Well, that didn't take long.

After serving only three days behind bars, Paris Hilton was released from jail early Thursday, partly due to "medical" reasons — but she has been fitted with an ankle bracelet and must remain confined to her home for 40 days, according to sheriff's spokesman Steve Whitmore.

The spokesman wouldn't say what the medical reasons were, citing privacy issues. However,

there have been reports of Paris crying after visits by her therapist and her refusal to eat most of the prison food.

I suppose a potential emotional breakdown might be considered a reason to get out of jail early...if, you know, you throw that whole "jail-as-punishment" thing out the window. But refusing to eat? This is California - I thought starvation was "in" with all the Hollywood It Girls.

So, as a result of her undisclosed medical issues, Paris' "punishment" will now be a whopping 40 days of house confinement. Ah, but what house? Perhaps some crack house on the southside? Nope, her multi-million dollar Beverly Hills mansion. She will have to wear an ankle bracelet for the duration of the confinement, but don't worry - the bracelet will be mink-lined to prevent chafing, and Paris' people are already working on releasing a faux monitoring device as part of her new "Prison Chic" fashion line. It's Hot!

Oh yeah, and those three days she spent in jail? Well, seems like she'll be credited for five days served. Nice.

Hell, is there really any point in being outraged? We all knew there was never going to be any justice in this case. Frankly, I don't know why they even bothered to try Paris, or for that matter charge her in the first place. The whole thing has been a waste of time. All we have done is reinforce in Paris' mind that she literally can get away with anything. Unfortunately, the bar of accountability has been raised so high for her that, in order to see real jail time, she'll probably have to kill someone.

In broad daylight.

On national television.

I was watching Bill O'Reilly the other night. Michelle Malkin was on, and she said that, while Paris deserved to be punished, she didn't deserve the extreme negativity people were pouring on her. Michelle chalked it up to class envy. Now, while I dearly love our Mz. Malkin, I have to disagree with her on that point, at least in my case. I have no problem with the fact Paris is rich. I also have no problem with the fact that she was born into a life of wealth, privilege and opportunity. My problem is that Paris has been able to improve her already favorable situation despite the fact she has absolutely no appreciable talents whatsoever. She can't sing. She can't act. She's uneducated. She's not that attractive. She's condescending and dismissive. And yet, she enjoys a tremendous amount of fame and notoriety because people can't seem to get enough of her. So that's when it hits me. Maybe it's not Paris I hate; maybe it's the society that props her up that's deserving of my scorn.

Has our society become so diminished and jaded the only things that amuse us anymore are these human trainwrecks? How much of what is popular today achieved that popularity because we "love to hate" things? Instead of championing excellence and achievement, we make heroes out of those who suck the most.

When did that get fun?

Ryan Reynolds Blogging At HuffPo

I saw this on Perez Hilton's site earlier today. Ryan Reynolds has started blogging at the Huffington Post.

I'm not sure how I feel about that. On the one hand, I like Reynolds as an actor and have enjoyed most of his movies. However, in his first post, he shows that HuffPo is his kind of place. How? By perpetrating one of my biggest pet peeves about the Left - that whole "wringing of hands, gnashing of teeth, oh how can we enjoy one iota of our lives while there are others who have nothing" thing they always do.

In his post, Reynolds compares a celebrated contestant in an annual July 4th eating contest with a young, starving child in Sudan:

Young Mustafat, who maintains a strict diet of inner turmoil and bleached hope, looks forward to watching the ESPN-televised event to better understand what gigantically wasteful, fucking super-retards we all are.

Okay, so food eating contests are pretty silly and more than a little disgusting, but come on - "gigantically wasteful, fucking super-retards"? That's a bit harsh, isn't it? I mean, let's be honest. You'd probably have the same attitude if it was some guy filling up at a McDonalds. Surely you would shed bitter tears for little Mustafat, who will never know the joys of super-sizing or having it his way. In closing, Reynolds says:

While it may be impossible to understand the mental temerity and physical excellence it takes to master these dazzling sports, we can expect great things in the future from exciting athletes like Don Lerman and Mustafat Osmana. And although oceans and even the most basic human rights may separate these two great peoples, we are ALL bound together by the vibrant spirit of competition and grotesque displays of boundless, unapologetic shitheadery.

Okay, I'll admit, it's tough to argue against feeling sympathy for millions of people who are starving. It's also natural and right that those who can (and are so inclined) should do what they can to help. Notice I said help. Not "solve the problems for them" (or even better, despite them). Not "make it our personal responsibility". And certainly not going through life feeling guilty or apologizing for living in a country where we can afford to indulge in such "shitheadery" as an eating contest.

In the end, that's one of the things which really causes the Left to lose me - this constant refrain of "if one does without we must all do without".

Besides, as an successful actor, I'm sure Reynolds knows a lot more about boundless, unapologetic and indulgent activities than I ever will.

Although I wouldn't necessarily call dating Scarlett Johansson "shitheadery".

Paris Hilton Jail Watch - Day 2

Good news! Paris has survived her first night in jail!

According to her attorney, she's doing well after spending the first night in her cell:

"She's using this time to reflect on her life, to see what she can do to make the world better and hopefully, in my opinion, to change the attitudes that exist about her among many people," attorney Richard A. Hutton told reporters after visiting Hilton.

My goodness, the spin is so strong I'm getting dizzy!

The only thing Paris is reflecting on is how she can turn this indignity into more money and notoriety for herself. As for making the world better, there are many ways she could do that; the most common ones no doubt involve relocating to extremely isolated locations for the remainder of her life. It's okay, though - Paris is cool with that. I mean, does anyone truly think Paris Hilton gives a shit about what people's attitudes of her are? Please. She has only one mission in life - to perpetuate a carefully crafted image of herself that flies in the face of what most people know to be the truth. Case in point:

"If she was an ordinary citizen she would have been placed in the general population. ... She'd be living in a dorm with 30, 40, 50 other women and the time would pass pretty quick," Hutton said. "She is really being punished because of her celebrity."

You've got to hand it to Hutton; it takes a special man to be able to pull these statements off with a straight face.

All Grown Up!

The 2007 MTV Movie Awards were held over the weekend. I was perusing some of the red carpet shots when I cam across something that made my jaw drop.

All I want to know is, when did this:



start looking like this:



Damn! Life is turning out pretty swell for Amanda Bynes.

Yeah, yeah, whatever! She's 21, so it's okay.

Paris Hilton Jail Watch - Day 1

Paris Hilton is officially behind bars. She reported to the Century Regional Detention Center is Lynwood, CA around 10:30 p.m.

Hilton surrendered to sheriff's deputies after making a surprise visit to the MTV Movie Awards in the afternoon.

"I am trying to be strong right now," she told reporters on the red carpet. "I'm ready to face my sentence. Even though this is a really hard time, I have my family, my friends and my fans to support me, and that's really helpful."

Courage, Paris. Courage! But wait, it gets better.

With Paris' "people" on image red alert, we get what has to be the quote of the century from Hilton (and she's said a lot of stupid things over the years):

"I did have a choice to go to a pay jail," Hilton said Sunday, without giving details. "But I declined because I feel like the media portrays me in a way that I'm not and that's why I wanted to go to county, to show that I can do it and I'm going to be treated like everyone else. I'm going to do the time, I'm going to do it the right way."

You know, Paris should really think about going into politics; she's positively "Hillaryesque" in her belief that people will believe anything that comes spewing out of her mouth. How do the words "I'm going to be treated like everyone else" come out of Paris Hilton's mouth without her tongue bursting into flame? We already know the judge in her case ruled out the option of a pay jail (Paris must assume we pay as little attention to the details as she does). As for doing the time and doing it the right way - well, I don't know too many people who get half their sentence dropped for "good behavior" before they've had an opportunity to demonstrate any good behavior.

Being housed in a special needs wing and getting the celebrity treatment makes a three-week stint in county jail about as grueling as a camping trip. If incarceration was like that for everybody, it's value as a deterrent would be about 0%.

As for the media portraying Paris as some spoiled, empty-headed, amoral snob with no sense of right or wrong? Well, there's a difference between the media portraying Paris' behavior and the media reporting Paris' behavior. Since I'm sure that subtle distinction would be lost on her, allow me to put it another way: Paris, you are a spoiled, empty-headed, amoral snob with no sense of right or wrong. And no amount of time in "celebrity jail camp" will convince me otherwise.

Considering that Paris will be trying mightily to cash in on this and make it pay off for her, I hope the rest of America stays just as resolute.

The Paris Hilton Jail Watch

The countdown has begun. Famous layabout Paris Hilton reports to jail next Tuesday to begin serving her 23 day sentence.

They have her cell ready and selected a cellmate. All that's left to do is see if she'll become even more popular after this. If she does, America, you're dead to me!

15 Minutes Over For The Sex Blogger

Jessica Cutler, aka The Washingtonienne, is broke and filing for bankruptcy. It appears things didn't work out as planned for the person who ignited a million bloggers' fevered dreams of book deals, fame, and mad blogging money.

In court documents filed in the case Thursday, however, Cutler says she can't even pay her American Express bill, legal fees and student loans. She submitted to the judge a copy of a Chapter 7 bankruptcy petition filed in New York dated Wednesday.

For those of you who missed the fun the first time around, you can read the Washingtonienne blog archive over at Wonkette. Eh, it seemed better in original blog form. You can also keep up with Cutler's ongoing adventures at her new blog. Kind of sad, really. It's a shame that someone who is as obviously bright as she is just isn't that interesting unless she's kissing and telling.

Blast from the Past! Inspired by her heroic exploits, Ace of Spades decides to get in on the fun. Hilarious!

Finally, what would a post about a notorious sex blogger be without a picture of what all the fuss is about:



Meh.

Trainwrecks Are Fun!

First, Lindsay Lohan gets into a wreck and is busted for DUI. Hey, what's that white powdery stuff in your car?


Then, she goes out and gets 'faced for all the world to see.


Now, she's in rehab, again!
















Wow, Hollywood sure is glamorous!

Who's More Stupid?

From MSN, the headline reads: Nicky Hilton Sued Over Hotel Project.

Interesting...Nicky so rarely makes the news these days. I read on:

In a lawsuit filed Monday in federal court, Robert Falor Investments and Grand USA Hotel Supply & Restaurant allege Hilton hasn't kept up her end of an April 2006 agreement in which she promised to promote the redevelopment project known as Nicky O's Chicago, a Nicky Hilton Hotel.

Imagine that, a Hilton sister not following through on her promises. But they seem like such responsible girls. Here's my favorite part:

Hilton also allegedly contracted out interior design work she was supposed to perform and tried to charge it back to the developer, the lawsuit alleges. The development group also claims Hilton misrepresented that she and her associates had experience in hotel design. [emphasis mine]

I've never heard of Robert Falor Investments or USA Hotel Supply and Restaurant. They may be a couple of fly-by-night operators, but I'm willing to give them the benefit of the doubt. They decide to partner with someone in order to open a couple of hip boutique hotels, so who do they pick? Nicky Hilton.

Seemed like a good idea. I mean, it's not like we're talking about Paris. Nicky's the smart one.

So what qualifies Nicky to be a partner in this project? Let's look at her background, as found on Wikipedia:

1. She's 23
2. She's a part-time fashion model
3. She "designs" her own clothing line and handbags
4. She attended both the Fashion Institute of Technology and Parsons School of Design, but failed to graduate from either.
5. She passed on "The Simple Life", which went on to become a big hit. Good call.

To think, Robert Falor Investments and USA Hotel Supply and Restaurant were suprised to learn that Nicky and her associates has misrepresented their hotel design experience. But surely everything in her resume suggested she would be such a pro at it.

So tell me, who's more stupid? Nicky for getting into something she's clearly not qualified for, or some businessmen for picking her to partner with in the first place?

The New Face of Terror

Ladies and Gentleman, I give you the new face of terror:

"Mooninites Rule!"

Out of the ten cities in the U.S. where these signs were planted, only Boston saw fit to panic. I find that strange, in as much as your average Bostonian is usually the type who pooh-poohs the color-coded alert levels and swears that a "potential threat" is usually Bush's way of deflecting attention from something else.

In other words, the terror is all in our minds.

UPDATE: From that bastion of rational thought the Daily Kos. See what I mean?

"You are a disgrace to this country. When a plastic bord with lights on it can send a city into a full blown terror alert, I think there is ample evidence that the terrorists are winning. CALM DOWN."

"Whatever they paid for this marketing campaign, it's not nearly enough! I'm going to have to check the show out, myself. Thanks, Boston, for showing us why Security Paranoia is stupid."

"This is what happens when people watch too much Fox News and watch Sean Hannity too much. They start seeing bombs everywhere. Dudes, It was 9/11 in 2001! That was over five years ago! It is time to Calm The F*** Down and not see bombs and terrorists everywhere! Go get a sandwich and take a valium or something! :)"

As much as I hate to admit it, I'm probably in agreement with most of these posters in that no one should be getting in trouble (or getting sued) over this. To be clear - no one did anything illegal, dangerous, or intentionally disruptive. Unlike the Kos Kidz, however, I feel that way mainly because I love ATHF and don't want the show to suffer, not because I believe we shouldn't be mindful of potential security threats.

Are we destined to live through another terrorist attack on U.S soil? Most likely. Will it have anything to do with Adult Swim's line-up? Doubtful.

Take THAT, Kanye!

Remember last month when Kanye West made a fool of himself at the MTV Europe's Video Awards? His video, "Touch the Sky" didn't win video of the year, so Kanye crashes the stage when they're handing out the award and starts bitching about why his video should have won:

He then added his reason for why he was most deserving, as he proclaimed Touch The Sky "cost a million dollars, Pamela Anderson was in it. I was jumping across canyons."

Well, it looks like Mr. West's little oevre is getting some attention after all...in the form of a lawsuit:

Evel Knievel has sued Kanye West, taking issue with a music video in which the rapper takes on the persona of "Evel Kanyevel" and tries to jump a rocket-powered motorcycle over a canyon.

Evel is upset because some of the racier parts of the video are not representative of his true personality. Here's the money quote, though:

That video that Kanye West put out is the most worthless piece of crap I've ever seen in my life...

Heh. Viva Knievel, indeed!

Kramer Apologizes

Following his tirade against some black hecklers at The Laugh Factory the other night, Michael Richards has apologized for his behavior.

On the Letterman Show.

Jerry Seinfeld was a guest on the show, and he asked Richards to appear to discuss the issue (Richards appeared on a screen, not in person). I didn't see the show or watch the apology, but from what I'm reading Richards went off on more than one tangent. His sincerity is entirely dependent on whether you're inclined to give his a break or not.

Kramer.

TMZ.com has video of Michael Richards - Kramer from Seinfeld fame - losing his mind at some hecklers who interrupted his comedy routine at The Laugh Factory in Los Angeles.

The hecklers were black. Richards make a reference to lynching, after which he called the heckler a "nigger". Seven times. Loudly.

In the video, you can hear someone challenging Richards on his behavior, saying it was "uncalled for". It also shows the majority of the crowd begin to get up and leave, including the hecklers. Richards begins taunting them as they leave.

The entire incident is very surreal, made even more so by the fact that it's Kramer! I didn't see that one coming. Now, of course, the usual suspects will weigh in. Conventional wisdom says that Richards' career is "over".

I'm sure some would argue his career was over when Seinfeld went off the air, but that's another issue.

People Are Crazy

Fergie, female singer for the Black Eyed Peas, recently said that anyone who insults her singing is actually insulting God:

“I may not have the type of voice you like, but I can sing,” the white hip-hopper told Vibe. “You can’t take that away from me, ‘cause singing is a gift from God, and when people say I can’t sing, it’s kind of like insulting God.”

When asked for comment, God replied "In Fergie's case, it was actually a gag gift."