Oh, never mind.
According to every news and gossip outlet ON THE FREAKING PLANET, Paris Hilton was arrested for DUI on Wednesday night. The "official" story is that Paris, tired and hungry from working harder than anyone else in the history of history, was thrown for a loop by a single margarita she imbibed at a charity function mere moments before getting in her car and going for some drive-thru. Paris was handcuffed and taken to the police station, although she was released a short time later. There was no word on whether Paris blamed the Jews for her trouble.
Earlier today, Paris went on the Ryan Seacrest radio show to discuss the incident. She claimed the entire affair was "nothing". Her publicist issued a statement opining that the DUI, rather than hurting Paris' image, would probably boost it.
Uh huh.
Contrast this with another incident which took place last week. Apparently, Paris and her pals were denied entrance into a Video Music Awards after-party at Bungalow 8 in New York. It seems the ruckus was enough for the police to be called out. Paris and the gang were forced to go to another club to get their party on.
Here is a picture of Paris on the fateful night:
Paris was reduced to tears over the incident. Tears.
SHE WAS FREAKING CRYING!
Get busted for DUI...ain't nothin but a thing. Get denied entrance to a club...boo hoo hoo.
God, life can be so cruel!
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