Wednesday, February 14, 2007

A Favor, If you Please

I know that unpleasant things can happen in bathrooms, due to their designated function in life. Very unpleasant.

However, when it comes to public bathrooms, is it too much to ask that you save the more...explosive bowel movements for the comfort and privacy of your own home?

It's not that I'm a prude, or that I question the simple wisdom of "when you gotta go, you gotta go". It's just that I find it difficult to focus on my relatively mild use of the facilities when it sounds like a rip in the space/time continuum is opening IN YOUR ASS and the very hordes of Hell are spewing forth to lay waste to the Earth (and my olfactory sense).

Seriously Dude, are you shitting blood in there? Cause it sounds like your colon just plopped out!

One more thing. Do you really think that now is the best time answer your cellphone? I know it's ringing and all, but I'm sure they'll leave a message if it's important. I mean, you do seem kind of busy right now.

Thanks for your cooperation.